DAY 48

I made a super long list of all the things I wanted to accomplish with my uninterrupted time. I purposely can’t remember where I put it.

I typically seek adventure. My favorite plans are last minute or/and spontaneous but have lots of moving parts that need to be perfectly synchronized or it fails.

I’m a high-functioning procrastinator. I pack for a trip to Europe, just hours before leaving for the airport. But from the moment that I click my seat belt, I take a deep cleansing breath and on the exhale, feelings of excitement, confidence, and exhilaration set in. I am ready for the adventure that lies ahead and don’t worry anymore, even though a lot can go wrong. When I don’t have self-inflicted, pressure-filled situations, I worry a lot. Thank goodness for airplanes and restuarants. Oh wait.

Staying in has pushed my motivation and inspiration off a cliff. I miss using all my senses. My world has become 2D. I don’t have Covid-19, but I suffer from screen fatigue and keep forgetting where my list is.

I’m unsure how long ago it was, but I’ve lost track of my days. Sometimes I’ll look at the calendar and I’m shocked that something I thought was a week ago, just happened two days before.

Today has been 48 days since I last had my hair and nails done and went to a restaurant. Tomorrow I won’t be able to do those things either.

Sometimes things are the way they are, and there’s no reason to keep worrying that they aren’t what you thought they should be. I’ll try not to think about what I’m missing today, but I probably won’t make it very long. Maybe I’ll try harder tomorrow. I’m sure I have many days ahead to keep trying.

***********************
Patience, by Tame Impala

Has it really been that long?
Did I count the days wrong?
Did we just go ’round and ’round
All the way to step one?

They would ask me all the time
Every time the show’s up
“So what you doin’ with your life?”
It ain’t givin’ up

Just growin’ up in stages
(Lay down, low down)
Livin’ life in phases
Another season changes
And still, my days are shapeless

It’s always drive straight, don’t be late
‘Cause time waits for no one
I should be flying straight, with no delay
‘Cause time takes from everyone

I’m just laying here
Waiting for a change to come
Take us to the place
Takin’ us where we would have gone

They would ask me all the time
Showin’ up in ages
“So what you doin’ with your life?”
Call it givin’ up

I’m just growin’ up in stages
(Lay down, low down)
Livin’ life in phases
Another season changes
And still, my ways are aimless, I know
We’re growin’ up in stages
And I’m runnin’ out of patience
Growin’ up

It’s always drive straight, don’t be late
‘Cause time waits for no one
I should be flying straight, with no delay
‘Cause time takes from everyone

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